Wednesday, August 13, 2008

 

Georgia Quits Bush League of Nations in Iraq

John McCain—Just Like Bush, Except Not As Smart

[President Bush telephoned John McCain from the Olympics in Beijing on August 11, 2008. The following is an intercepted transcript of that conversation.]

Bush: John, what the heck’s going on? I heard the Russians invaded Georgia ... why isn’t the Georgia National Guard stopping them?

McCain: They can’t, they’re in Iraq.

Bush: Dang, that’s right. But, wait, I also heard Georgia was quitting my coalition in Iraq, you know, the Bush League of Nations. How can they do that? I’m the Decider.

McCain: Yah, it’s confusing. Just who do these Georgians think they are? And where are they exactly? It’s like they’re in "two places at once" … or is it, "no places at twice?"

Bush: Who gives a damn, you suck-up! Let’s focus on me! Boy, I feel real lucky the Olympics are in China and not in Atlanta … you know, like before. I’m pretty safe here with our Chinese bankers. But Georgia … God, my knees start knocking whenever I think of being stuck in Atlanta with the Russian troops getting closer and closer.

McCain: Maybe the Russians will stop attacking if we let them keep Georgia and give them South Carolina too.

Bush: Yah, that’s a good idea … [pause, with gears slowly grinding] … and it would raise the IQ of both America and Russia at the same time.

McCain: I don’t understand. Is that a joke?

Bush: I don’t know … but I heard Karl Rove say it in a cabinet meeting, and everyone laughed. So I laughed too.

McCain: OK, then let’s both laugh together now.

Bush and McBush: Hah, hah, hah!

NOTE: For a crisp perspective on the current conflict in Georgia—including history and context—see the AlterNet article: “Georgia Tries out the Bush War Doctrine, Loses Badly,” by Gary Brecher, of The eXile.

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